Relationships have a number of potential trouble spots. Mostly these are rooted in each partnerʼs difficulty in understanding the otherʼs basic needs that - with such marked differences between male and female functioning - are so different to their own. The secret to a successful love partnership lies in understanding what makes the other ʻtickʼ and in the willingness to meet each otherʼs needs.
He canʼt do without sex - She canʼt do without affection.
The challenge is that the typical female doesnʼt understand her partnerʼs
deep need for sex any more than the typical male understands his
partnerʼs deep need for affection.
She canʼt do without conversation (and lots of it!) - He canʼt do
without space (cave times).
The challenge is that the typical male does not understand her need of
working out difficulties by talking about them to him without actually
wanting his advice any more than the typical female understands his
need to crawl into his cave when he faces difficulties and only reemerges
when heʼs come to a satisfactory conclusion.
He canʼt do without her being proud of him - She canʼt do without
his honesty and openness.
The challenge is that the typical male doesnʼt realise that she cannot feel
safe and secure without being able to place total trust in him any more
than the typical female understands how important it is for him to know
that she sees him as ʻher heroʼ.
A couples failure to understand the partner's basic needs can easily lead to great relationship discord and discontent. To overcome this destructive relationship hurdle, sometimes all it needs is each one's ability to step into their partner's shoes and to take a good look at the world from their perspective. In my practice I have seen this simple process save many a marriage and/or love-partnership. If this is you, be sure not to call it quits prematurely. You and your relationship deserve better. Be kind to yourselves and give it the chance it deserves!
(Adapted from His Needs, Her Needs)S
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