Rushing through a beautifully decorated Shopping Centre the other day, I yet again became aware of the pressure so many of us put ourselves under at this time of year. Driven by expectation, tradition and even peer-pressure we battle through crowds in search of the ‘perfect’ Christmas gifts for those we love. This can be a difficult challenge indeed. Whilst pleasing our families and friends is a very important aspect of Christmas let’s not forget in the midst of our buying sprees that whilst some gifts cost little money and others a lot, the most important and precious gifts any one of us can give are the gifts that are priceless.
In the hope that you may choose to present your loved ones with at least some of them this Christmas, I’ve created a list of ten of these gifts for you. Here they are:
1. THE GIFT OF ACCEPTANCE
This Christmas why not spend some of your energy on accepting things for what they are? Your house may not be as new, as large or as lovely as you’d like it to be, your partner not helpful or accommodating, maybe your parents not as loving and your children not as studious. Yes, accepting things for what they are means exercising greater tolerance. It means being more open to changing, learning and growing, but isn’t that what a full and interesting life is all about? And no, it doesn’t mean that you have to bury the dreams you have for a bigger and better house, or that you can’t encourage your partner to become the helpful and accommodating spouse you’d love them to be, that you cannot demonstrate to your parents the kind of caring you’d like them to show you and that you don’t train your children towards becoming the best individuals they can be. But let me encourage you to, just for a little while, let go of your longing and striving and simply focus and accepting your lot.
We must accept life for what it actually is -- a challenge to our quality without which we should never know of what stuff we are made, or grow to our full stature. (Ida R. Wylie)
2. THE GIFT OF AFFECTION
Kissing, giving a hug, a friendly smile, a warm look won’t cost you a cent and will make the recipients of these gifts feel warm, appreciated and loved. Okay, so you and your partner haven’t seen eye to eye on every issue in the last few days, weeks, months or even years; your kids often aren’t quite as lovable as you would like them to be and life isn’t always going the way you would like it to go. Well, great gifts aren’t always easy to give, however once presented they have magical powers. The gift of affection opens people’s hearts, helps them feel good about themselves and therefore makes it much easier for them to feel good about you. It helps them lay aside their grievances, even if it’s just for a time. You never know, it might even help the important people in your world look at life from your perspective. Affection is a powerful gift that blesses both giver and recipients.
Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them. (Richard E Evans)
3. THE GIFT OF LISTENING
Ah, to listen well is indeed a gift. It means to be quiet whilst the other is speaking. It means to hear without interruption, judgment, self-defense, without drifting off into thinking about other things, without being busy mentally preparing a response – it means to just listen……………. with your ears, your mind and your heart. Listening in this way tells the speaker that you value them; that you respect whatever they have to say; that you recognise and acknowledge the right they have to their opinion, even if (perchance) you should not agree. It tells the speaker that you wish to connect with them in a deeper and more meaningful way, that you are happy to place their need to express themselves before your own and that you are willing to consider carefully whatever they may say. Listening is a wonderful gift indeed.
To listen without judgment is to give a gift of honour, respect and unconditional love. (Sonja Ridden)
4. THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER
Being a great parent, a caring child, a good partner and trusted friend can be a difficult task. It may take so much of your energy that it might seem as though there is little time left for anything else. This makes laughter a particularly special gift. This Christmas, try to create as much fun for yourself and your family as you can possibly muster. Watch crazy movies, play fun games, get everyone to tell stories that make you laugh. Remember that laughing is like medicine as was so beautifully portrayed in the movie ‘Patch Adams’ (did you see it?). Look at the healing power contained in laughter: It stops you from taking yourself and all your troubles (real as they are) too seriously, it chases away the ‘blues’, helps you and those around you relax, it is therapeutic, enjoyable, contagious and….it makes you feel good.
Fun is about as good a habit as there is. (Jimmy Buffet)
5. THE GIFT OF APPRECIATION
How about telling your partner right now: “Thanks honey, I am so glad you did that for me!”? It’s so easy to get hung up on everything that’s not working the way we want it to, to notice all the things that others don’t do right for us, to be annoyed, upset or critical of those around us. How often do we take the time and make the effort to pay attention to all the things that are right, good and positive in our lives. How often do we determine to thank those around us for all the little things that usually go unnoticed? If your partner kissed you ‘good bye’ this morning, your child gave you an unexpected hug, one of your relatives phoned to see how you are....did you appreciate it? And even more importantly, did you say “thank you”? If your partner cleaned the porch, washed the dishes, took out the rubbish, brought you a bunch of flowers, did you show your appreciation? If you haven’t done it as often as you’d like, now is a good time to start. Tell him/her how glad you are about having them in your life, for the way they care for you, for their love. Appreciation is like a plant, the more you water it, the better it will grow.
Focusing your attention - daily and hourly – not on what is wrong, but on what we love and value, allows us to participate in the birth of a better future, ushered in by the choices we make each and every day. (Carol Pearson)
Stay tuned for an exploration of the last 5 gifts.
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