Trust In Relationship - What Does It Mean?

Following my last post, I'll now start taking an in-depth look at the 8 foundation building blocks that are essential for building a lasting love relationship. Today we take a look at TRUST. 

TRUST is the main building block for a happy and healthy partnership. It provides the safety and security that enables us to open our ‘innermost self’ to our life-partner. As it’s those treasures that live in the recesses of our heart that make us the unique beings we are, it’s essential to our sense of being fully known and loved that we allow our partner to enter that space. If we do not feel safe enough with our partner to let them see our strengths and frailties, our likes and dislikes, our hopes and fears, our relationship will be an unfulfilling, insecure and empty one. It will be one in which we never know whether we are fully loved, accepted and appreciated just for who we are.

As this often is even more difficult to establish in a blended family circumstance where trust is frequently challenged by circumstances that are outside of our control, I’ve chosen to set a scene that illustrates such a situation. Imagine the following:

Rita feels as though she always comes a sad last in her partner’s life. When Bob’s children stay in their home they seem to take up all his time. He asks them how they would like to spend the weekend and entertains them from morning till night. How she would like to spend the weekend doesn’t seem to matter to him at all. When his ex-wife calls, Bob jumps to attention. He vows that this is only because he wants to keep things amicable between them (for the sake of the children!) but Rita wonders time and again why he is so quick to respond to his ex-wife’s calls but seems to be super-glued to whatever he is doing when she (Rita) wants something from him and whenever she queries him about this, he just tells her ‘not to be so stupid!” 

In another house, in another town Simon is at the end of his tether. Each time Evelyn’s daughter complains to her mum about him, his wife (Evelyn) ‘loses the plot’, tells him what a big mistake it was that she married him; that her first partner was a much better father than he is and that there isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t consider leaving him. 
Would you say that there these relationships are based on a foundation of trust? Before you read on, give yourself a moment to consider the following questions:

* Who are the people in your life whom you trust implicitly?
* What is it about those people that makes them trustworthy? 
* What are the qualities that engender trust?


Let’s take a look at the most obvious trust-inducing qualities: 

Honesty – People who value honesty don’t lie. If they do something wrong or make a mistake they don’t make excuses, fob you off or whitewash the truth. Honest people usually do what they say and have no trouble standing up for what they do.
Loyalty – Loyal people are those who stand by you even when it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient; even if it makes them unpopular or puts them in a difficult position.
Reliability – Reliable people are those who carry out their promises even when they don’t feel like it. They will do what they commit to doing and if, for some unforeseen reason they are unable to do so, will let you know as soon as they become aware of this themselves.
Predictability - Predictable people act in consistent ways. They do not swing like pendulums from being loving, caring and kind one moment to becoming rageaholics the next. They are stable in all their ways.

Questions you need to ask yourself about your love-partnership: 

How big is the building block of trust in your relationship? 
Is it sturdy enough to be part of the foundation that holds up your partnership house? 
Is it solid enough to withstand a storm or two?  


If your answer is ‘no’, what will you do about it?