The Five Love Languages

The following is a small excerpt from the Books that deal with the 5 Love Languages as identified by author Gary Chapman. Recognising the power of speaking your partner's love language goes a long way towards relationship success. 

THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES

1. I feel especially loved when people express how grateful they are for me and for the simple everyday things I do. 

2. I feels especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time alone with me. 

3. I feel especially loved by someone who brings me gifts and other tangible expressions of love. 

4. I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me, perhaps by running errands or taking on my household chores. 

5. I feel especially loved when a person expresses feelings for me through physical contact. 

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1)    Words of affirmation – when another person tells you how much they value you as a person and appreciate the way you do the  most ordinary tasks.

2)    Quality time – focused attention.

3)    Tangible expressions of love – other person is not only thinking of you but cares enough to show it.

4)    Acts of service – when others help you carry out your responsibilities.

5)    Physical affection – when other are in physical contact with you.

THE FIVE LANGUAGES OF APOLOGY

1. I am able to accept an apology from someone who expresses regret simply by saying “I am sorry”. 

2. When I am offered an apology, I long to hear the words, “I was wrong.” 

3. I find an apology most sincere when the person who has wronged me takes action to make it right. 

4. I find an apology most sincere when followed by a promise to change, with the offending person saying: “I’ll try not to do that again.” 

5. I find an apology most sincere when the other party places great importance on asking for my forgiveness.

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1)    Expressing regret. Hearing an apology as immediate expression of regret for causing you pain. I am sorry goes a long way.

2)    Accepting responsibility. You are looking for maturity. You want to hear the offending party take responsibility and hear them say “it was my fault”.

3)    Making restitution – find it easier to forgive when restitution is made for the wrong done to you. You are not only looking for an apology but for the words: How can I make it better?”

4)    Genuine repentance. You are looking for someone willing to change in order not to hurt you again.

5)    Requesting forgiveness. Looking for the person highly valuing your relationship and sincerely seeks restoration.

How Do YOU Deal With Conflict In Your Relationship?

Whether we like it or not, conflict is very much part of life. It can occur with your partner, your child/ren, your parents, your boss, your employees, your friends, your relatives or any other person with whom you come in contact. Often, it is not the fact that conflict occurs that is the problem, but how you deal with it.

To most people conflict is something from which they shy away. They may be so afraid of conflict that they would do just about anything in order to avoid it. Alternatively, their discomfort might express itself in aggressive behaviour or language .

Ask yourself: “How do I behave when conflict arises in my life? Do I…..”

* Pretend that everything is alright even when it isn’t?
* Withdraw from the person who raised a conflict issue?
* Withdraw from conflict situations?
* Give in or do whatever you can to ‘fix’ the problem, even if you don’t consider it your problem?
* Give another the ‘cold shoulder’ or the ‘silent treatment’?
* Get angry, blame, shame, criticise or use sarcasm?
* Scream, yell and/or become physically violent?

If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, you would benefit from learning more about effective conflict management and resolution. Learning to effectively deal with conflict is an invaluable life skill.

Here are a few tips:

• Don’t deal with the issue causing conflict in the heat of the moment. Nobody is objective at that time.
• Deal with the issue at hand. Dredging up everything that has annoyed you about the other person or the current conflict situation during the past five years is not helpful.
• Focus on the conflict issue or behavior instead of attacking the other person’s character or motive.
• Don’t threaten or manipulate, and don’t call the other person names.
• Give the other person an opportunity to say what they wish to say. Listen carefully and seek to understand what they are saying from their point of view.
• Don’t push the other person into a corner, allow them to “save face”.
• Don’t be afraid of discovering that you are wrong. If you are, say ‘sorry’!
• The issue causing conflict may not be a matter of right or wrong – you may need to ‘agree to disagree’.
• Sometimes ‘meeting halfway’ may be a necessary compromise to achieving resolution of your conflict.